Some of the most frequent signs of internet infidelity include: excessive time online, particularly at times when you are not around, Instant Messengers and Email accounts to which you do not have access, closing or shutting down the computer when you approach, positioning the computer so that no one can easily view the monitor, the history and temporary internet files are deleted after each use, compulsion to use the computer at times that are inconvenient for you or the family, large amounts of time spent in chat rooms and/or instant messengers and sharing photos with strangers online.
The most significant sign you can have is a gut feeling about what your spouse is doing online. You can take an average adult who is both moral and committed to his or her family and find them readily sucked into the allure of the internet. It is a powerful and hypnotic escape from the reality of bill paying, responsibilities and the humdrum of everyday life.
If you are currently experiencing that gut feeling about your spouse or mate, the most important thing you can do at this time is to keep you suspicions to yourself. Do not say or do anything to alert them that you are concerned about their activities. This will only cause them to become more secretive about what it is they do online or in real life. The truth is that most people have no idea how their computer works on their internet and the evidence they leave behind. You can easily use this to your advantage to find out exactly what is going on in your home.
The first step is preparing yourself for the worst thing you can find. The bottom line of checking into your spouse's activities is that you may find the one thing you thought you could never survive – infidelity, pornography, etc. You MUST be prepared to deal with what you find emotionally or you will tip your hand before you have all the information you need to confront your spouse and/or make decisions about your future with or without your spouse. You may want to consult with trusted family or friends that will be able to deal with your spouse after all that you have suspected has been resolved.
The second step is to start a journal or log of events including dates and times. When someone becomes addicted or compulsive about a behavior, they tend to lie extensively to cover up their shame. They may try to convince you that you are crazy or you do not know what you are talking about. It is imperative that you become a non-biased observer so that you don't allow your emotions to cloud the truth. You will ultimately need to become educated about how to find out what has been done on the internet on your computer and document this as well.
The different between knowing and not knowing may save your family or your life. Pornography addiction has been proven to cause people to engage in high risk activities that may expose them to diseases such as AIDS. Hopefully, with early intervention on your part, the internet addiction can be interrupted without life long consequences to you.
C. Caldwell is founder of Expose-Your-Mate.com, a website assisting others in exposing their spouses internet addictions and getting the help they need to recover from online pornography addiction. |
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