The core values of people who grow up in larger families are influenced by factors that often go unnoticed by society. When my wife offers bread or rolls for dinner, she cannot understand why I do not take time to put something like butter on it. This situation goes right to the core of the illustration. When we were growing up as a family, dinner time was a very strategic moment in daily history. Without discussion, each child at the table knew what plan to execute, and each one performed the same ritual at every meal.
As we all gathered around the table, there would invariably be certain foods that were highly desirable, and others that we knew we would have to fill the rest of our plates with, once the good stuff was gone. The interlude which preceded the blessing of our meal was the perfect time to mentally prepare ourselves for the first target we intended to grab. Each of us pictured the angle of attack, the speed of the snatch, the physical distance from our seating location, and the potential contingency plans in the event of a competitor reaching for the same item. In addition to these factors, there was also the influence of who would be chosen to speak the blessing, and how long the interval would be until the "Amen" set the contest into motion.
On a few ill planned occasions, somebody would try to obtain an unfair advantage by hovering one hand over a particularly delectable item, thinking the safety of bowed heads and closed eyes would protect them from scrutiny. However, there were too many of us willing to peek and cry foul to allow such tactics to go unnoticed. A slapped hand might throw off the coordination needed for a perfect execution, so on most occasions, we learned to keep our hands ready, but out of sight. For those who tried playing mind games by strategically creating an inordinate pause before the "Amen," we learned quickly that this was only cause for creating a virtual "Amen," which did nothing to delay the start. As our parents attempted to instill appropriate table manners, they learned how quickly a child can get a piece of food and take a bite out of it, before the niceties of passing dishes around the table can begin.
As we all grew more skilled in the protocol of family dinners, the basic understanding became clear that one might be able to get hold of one or two choice food items before order overcame the chaos. One certainty was that if a participant waited for the butter, they might miss out on the bread. Chicken dinners became a sore spot for the family at one point in time. Chickens only have two beast portions, and with four people who preferred breast meat, the conflict over the lucky grab created a problem until my mother resolved the issue by buying all breasts instead of whole chickens for dinner.
These early lessons prepared a pattern for life that still carries over in some aspects today. Though our manners and protocols at meals have greatly improved as adults, there are still the subliminal impulses that tell me that if I wait for the butter, I might miss out on the bread. In smaller families with plenty of food to spare, such things are not part of the fiber that shapes their approach to life.
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